Maddy Myers of the World: Stop Using Your Self Diagnosed Mental Disorders to Hide Your Cuntiness

Pokémon Go came out at the beginning of the month and instantly became all the rage among anyone with a smartphone. All of The Internets had to comment on this phenomenon, even those pesky click bait sweatshops found some way to get their grubby little opinions out on a variety of topics all related tangentially to the game. Least of which was The Mary Sue, the self appointed “nexus of pop culture and the uncharted universe” which must be a mistake as the site appears to be the nexus of the charted click bait universe and nothing more.

Being in a rut lately, The Mary Sue has really been beating their sweatshop workers…I mean “journalists” to really hit that nexus lately. So of course, Pokémon Go got its respective turn at the wheel of thinly veiled feminist critique.

Here we find yet another Maddy Myers article where she insists that all gamers play a game the way she would prefer. She’s done this before, namely with last years Splatoon, and extolling the games lack of voice chat as some sort of landmark endeavor in protecting her soft, dainty ears from the harshness of teammates daring to tell her what to do.

Ms. Myers represents much of what I’ve found so disgusting with SJW gamers. A lot of thinly veiled misandry, masked under this notion that because of a perceived minority status within nerd culture they are free to shit on “others” in gamer culture. Namely, the vast bulk of gamers that is male.


One of the many articles she churned out about Pokémon GoStrangers of the World: Stop Hitting on Me While I Play Pokémon Go”() is great representation on the typical toxic garbage spewed from SJWs like Ms. Myers and click bait sweat shops like The Mary Sue.

The spirit of Pokémon is gloriously simple: go explore the world and interact with other trainers to catch and battle Pokémon. End of story. Pokémon Go is the physical manifestation of that ideal. It’s diabolical in its ability to get a traditionally sedentary beast like the gamer out and about looking for Pokémon, while also discovering more about their respective living areas via landmark expropriated as gyms and shops.

Yet here we find ourselves with an article that not only is anti-gamer in nature, but also seems completely naive about the general workings of society and how people interact.

Ms. Myers sets the table with the classic SJW tactic of empathy for her condition:

“I don’t like talking to strangers. I never have, and I don’t think I ever will. It’s not that I dislike people, or believe the worst in them, or anything. It’s just that I have social anxiety, so talking to strangers always feels more difficult for me than for other people.”

Because of “therapy” and “practice” she’s supposedly gotten better, but then it begs the question that if someone has social anxiety, can you really believe them when they relate several anecdotes about their poor interactions with other humans? In addition, why would you play a game that demands a fair amount of socialization as one of its core components if you don‘t like people in general?

I do love the part where she says that she doesn’t dislike people or believe the worst in them but then writes an entire article doing just that towards doods that dare play Pokémon Go in her general direction!

The first fearful tale of a male hitting on her takes place on an evening stroll with a group of friends to an athletic field with a track. Other people…namely men…then dared to show up!

“[…] a guy in a hooded sweatshirt saw us from across the street, stared at us, walked over, and began to make his way around the track, slowly but surely.”

Unbelievable right? Who the fuck comes to a track to “walk around” it? He must be a creeper. At least that’s what Ms. Myers are her other girl friends believe.


“[…] I did my best to quiet my discomfort about the guy lurking in the shadows.”

Wait, I thought he was walking around the track? I’m assuming this place is lit like a Christmas tree, as many athletic parks tend to be. Was he just lurking in the dimmer parts of the track, locked in a deep stare with Ms. Myers’ group of Pokéfans as he made his way around the track?

“This guy was probably trying to muster up the nerve to become our friend, and I was the jerk who didn’t want to talk to a complete stranger in a dark field on a Saturday night.”

The entire article has operative phrasing like this. These men were “probably”  “maybe” doing something. Who really knows right? Luckily, for her:

“He must have sensed our discomfort, because he never did end up talking to us, but he hung out in the dark for a very long time.”

Ms. Myers has admitted to having social anxiety problems, can we really trust she knows intent? I mean, she uses words like “lurking” and “hung out in the dark for a very long time” making sure we know he stayed in the shadows and painting an ominous picture. This has nothing to do with them being at a park…at night. He is just one of those creepy, rapey men. And yet no one technically “Hits On” Maddy Myers.

Making things a bit topical, but veering away from the thesis of the article, a cop car shows up on the scene.

“[…] we all stopped short. Half of my friends started panicking out loud. Not all of us are white, and, well … you know how it is, right?”

How is it, Ms. Myers? The cops were going to rush up and start something? Did they also “lurk” and “hang out” in the dark for very long time? She also relates that if the cops did approach her group she didn’t know what would happen. If it’s the kind of group that is out late looking for Pokemon at a park, I’m assuming a whole lot of nothing. Until the cops leave, then everyone will talk about what would have happened. In fantasy-land. In addition to all of the topicality: no one “Hit On” Maddy Myers.


Discovering that perhaps it may be safer for her to wander about in the daytime, Ms. Myers is again dismayed to discover that even the hot heat of the day cannot save her from all these male Pokemon Go fans out to catch some monsters and possibly rape! Probably women right? I mean, the Pokemon are not physical things that can be raped, and surely, they are not raping other men…though that could be true…as men can barely control their rape urges as is.

Ms. Myers relates that no women Pokemon Go fans ever came up to her in the 72-hour time span covered for the article.

“Strangers kept walking up to me. Specifically, strange men kept doing it.”

However, it’s in the paragraph where she’s going over the previous nights events in her head. In which, one strange man walked “near” her, and the cop car…which I guess could be counted as the man…and a strange one at that…was Maddy Myers adjacent. But that was it, what gives?

I guess as she’s going over the previous nights events in her head and grossly exaggerating just how many strangers are coming up to her, she just so happens upon a few of them!

“I noticed that guys (and, as I said, it was only guys) kept doubling back to look at my screen and then look me over appraisingly, a clear question in their eyes. One guy followed me for several feet, and as he looked over my shoulder to check if I was looking for Pokémon […]”

During all this, she’s pretending to ignore them, looking at her phone, so how does she know they were exactly looking her over “appraisingly“? Maybe they were impressed with her collection of various Pokemon, or maybe wanted her to join their team so they could conquer a landmark, or whatever bullshit you get up to in Pokemon Go. You know the SOCIAL element of the game!

“When I walked by a Pokémon gym and considered battling there, I saw a group of twelve 20-somethings had gathered outside, all on their smartphones, socializing. I didn’t feel like talking to any strangers, so I kept walking, scanning the sidewalk for critters as I went. Soon after, a guy followed me down the street, then tapped my shoulder and gestured for me to remove my headphones. His opening line: “Are you playing Pokémon?” I nodded in silence. He smiled expectantly at me, clearly believing that a conversation should ensue between us. I put my headphones back on, and I walked away.”

Again, you have to wonder just how much her social anxiety is coloring these interactions. The use of “expectantly”, “appraisingly”, and “a clear question” being in their eyes lends this notion that all these men wanted to do was “Hit On” Ms. Myers, when more like they were trying to play the social aspect of the game. Why would you venture out to the various gyms and areas looking to battle, but then when it comes time to do so, not because a man dared to say something at you? The guys expectant smile was probably in relation to someone around his age playing a goddamned kids game so he didn’t feel like so much of a creeper or he wanted Ms. Myers to join his team to battle other trainers?


For some odd reason Ms. Myers feels compelled to say that the young man “[…] was physically attractive and polite and my age and well-dressed and even had a nice smile.” What about his race or any other duodenary identifying element that needs to be related? Did that factor in why you were such an asshole to him? Disappointingly, I have to stress that no one “Hit On” Maddy Myers in the classical definition of the phrase in this last anecdote either.

Nevertheless, never mind that, Ms. Myers has no time for other people, how does the game affect her and all the other special snowflakes out there in the world? More importantly, it may not even be safe for her “not white” friends! Is there any unseen benefit to the societal scourge that is Pokémon Go?

For Maddy Myers the games provides a few benefits,

“It’s an excuse to leave the house, which helps stave off my depression and encourages me to see landmarks that I wouldn’t visit otherwise. It gamifies exercise and sight-seeing.”

Nevertheless, other people, namely men, are ruining everything!


In her parting words, she has advice for the other Pokémon trainers: don’t make it weird. Which is a bit odd considering Ms. Myers is the only one really doing so with her self-diagnosed social anxiety, and seeming inability to understand the difference between someone trying to be friendly and ruthlessly trying to drop game.

Instead, we get another classically overwritten 2000 word Maddy Myers column telling gamers how to play a game in the exact opposite way it was designed. You would think a more elegant idea would be for her to just play the near two dozen single player Pokemon games and let all the other sane gamers enjoy Pokemon Go in peace.


Maddy Myers of the World: Stop Using Your Self Diagnosed Mental Disorders to Hide Your Cuntiness

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