Why Donald Trump Must Win In 2016

Letter from the Chaditor: This post was originally written for Return of Kings a few weeks ago and was recently rejected due to Trump “[…] advocating several of the things that we support […]”. So enjoy an article whose joke is now utterly stale and useless at this point. 

With Donald Trump still commanding a lead in the polls, I wanted to find the silver lining in that glorious orange bouffant comb over cloud.

A thought experiment, if Donald Trump is elected president in 2016 we become one step closer to the realization of 2516 President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho!

Idiocracy, released nearly a decade ago, is becoming increasingly prophetic with each passing year. The rise and continuing dominance of The Donald leads me to believe that we’re already on a downward slide towards this films dystopian political future anyways, why not go out in style?

In addition, what would instill more fear in to other world leaders? “America must have lost their collective minds to elect a “media personality” like Donald Trump to be their world representative, best not trifle with them!”

Is Donald Trump promising anything different than the other myriad of politicians have in the past? He is just taking empty vacuous statements and turning them up to ludicrous speed. Having Mexico erect and pay for a wall along the border? Using immigrants as workers to build said wall, then putting them on the Mexico side? It’s a logistical nightmare, but if you shoot for the moon and miss at least you’ll be among the stars right?

Ideas! Solutions! The over use of
Ideas! Solutions! The over use of “HUGE!”
Trump 2016!!!

Unlike other gaffe-prone candidates who then lose their spot at the top of the polls, Trump has proven elusive, and it’s not for a lack of trying on his part. There is a cyclical nature to most of his gaffes: He says something stupid, is called out on it, he calls that person stupid then says he was taken out of context/misquoted/etc. and moves on. Supposed gaffes that have shredded average candidates do nothing to Trump.

Perhaps it’s a collective weariness from the electorate that has given Trump longer legs than most when it comes to the Clown Car Rally known as the Republican Presidential Candidate debate circuit? After eight years of a posturing rodeo clown leading to eight years of a constitutional law professor who merely continued most of the previous administrations policies.  Maybe there is a collective urge to say “Fuck it!” amongst voters and push the big red lunacy button to try something like a Donald Trump…what’s really the worst that could happen?

All the Presidential motorcade you'll ever need! All the Presidential motorcade you'll ever need!
All the Presidential motorcade you’ll ever need!

Look at the President Cammacho State of the Union, that fictional speech has more truth in it than 95% of the State of the Union’s in American history. I wonder what the State of the Union will be in 2016? (SPOILERS: It will be STRONG!)?

There is argument over whether the American Dream is dead, and Donald Trump is perfectly emblematic of the notion that it is not. He represents the truest American Dream: born in to wealth, becoming wealthier, bending the political system over and then running for candidacy in the same political system he has poured a lot of money in to.

There’s refreshing truth when at the first GOP Presidential debate Trump stated he had given money to most of the candidates on stage. The one’s who hadn’t taken money said “jokingly” that they would be more than happy to take his money. By being a candidate that has not been wholesale bought-and-sold by the moneyed interests, Trump sticks out much more to the GOP voter bloc that will ultimately decide the presidential candidate.

If anything, Donald Trump has brought a mainstream appeal to the political primary process. How many people see the ol’ primary machine rev up and run away as fast as they can, waiting for the time when old white dude from one side goes up against old white dude from the other? You have to wonder if the voting public is just voting for something different as opposed to a candidate that could actually propel something ideologically/politically to move America “forward”…whatever that means.

The face of the future…or he’s just farting…TRUMP 2016!!!

If we are already heading down the path to the 2516 presidency of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, Donald Trump is the perfect example of the time when mankind collectively slumped their shoulders forward, squatted down and devolved back in to a wild animal.

Trump as political candidate is showing just how barren and devoid of actual solutions our political system is currently. From the “do-nothing” elective representatives in Congress, to the clueless talking head pundit class in the media who can’t perceive what makes Trump resonate with the general public.

Is there any policy Trump has stated that doesn’t sound any less insane than most of the stuff our elected officials spout when they appear on television or the campaign trail? He’s proving that you can buoy an entire candidacy on a lot of gusto, posturing and arrogance, The American Way.

Trump is the literal embodiment of “The Man”, and a member of the “Old Boys Club” that actually run this country. Is it about time we as a society stop pretending and just let these old white rich men publicly run the country? What is the worst that could happen? We start watering our plants with sports drink?

It has electrolytes, it’s got what plants crave!

Speaking of crave, Chad craves your dollars to continue his work getting rejected! It’s like his lifeblood or something!
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Why Donald Trump Must Win In 2016

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