SJWs Make The Worst Culture Critics

Every time I read or watch anything a SJW puts out in to the world, this plays as a constant loop in my head:

This constant subtext of “I’m Smart!” plays and you have to wonder why, if anything, these people are compensating for? As I’ve stated previously, if you really are intelligent, you shouldn’t have to be compelled to shout it at the top of your lungs…all the time…in every single thing you do.

It’s bad enough that SJW’s have proliferated The Internets with their “critiques” on media and culture, but they seem to have gotten a bit of a toehold recently in the mainstream press.

You may be wondering, “Chad, how can you tell if the writer is a SJW?” Well, dear reader, there is a few telltale signs that instantly let you know that you’re dealing with an SJW. I just so happen to have a recent example that we can dissect.

The Last Witch Hunter came out last weekend and I had intended on reviewing it for the site, as I am wont to do. However, the Friday of the movies release I happened upon this review by Katie Walsh, another in a long line of dumpy white bitches with too much education and whole lot of social justice-as-critique to throw around.

Instantly, I was struck at how poor she was at actually reviewing the film.

The Last Witch Hunter is far from a great movie. It’s not going to be burning up anybody’s top ten lists, and it certainly isn’t going to rampage through awards season either. However, it’s not as terrible as Ms. Walsh makes it out to be, and I do wonder if she wasn’t pre-occupied with something else during her viewing of the film.

The SJW hammer strikes mightily as we’re treated to the notion of Vin Diesel “[…] pushes the powers of his racial ambiguity to the max” What? This has nothing to do with anything. The prologue is essentially a bunch of doods going to take on the Witch Queen who started a black plaque and presumably killed Kaulder’s (Vin Diesel) wife and daughter. What does his race have to do with any of this?

“Cultural Critic™” has a nasty problem with hyper-focusing on the duodenary elements of whatever particular media they are “critiquing”. Ms. Walsh is no different as she harps on Kaulder’s “[…]inexplicable gingery beard and a fierce weave […]” This would be understandable if she perhaps had a costuming background, but again, this has no real bearing on the movie and why one should or should not see it.

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Kaulder contemplates his gingery beard as he misogynously immolates the Witch Queen…for being a woman probably.

Reading the review it’s fairly clear that Ms. Walsh didn’t watch the movie and is merely padding out a word count so she can get paid and move on. She can barely get what little plot there is right! Kaulder doesn’t control the weather “[…] by fiddling around with ‘ancient runes.’” If anything their deus ex machina maguffins for the end of the film. Michael Caine’s character doesn’t “die”, he is cursed (appearing dead)…and it’s a fairly clear plot point that spurs on the action of the film…whatever that means.

The Last Witch Hunter does have problems with explaining its world, how it works, and how all the characters fit together. I’m half wondering if there isn’t a comic book or website that details all of the apparent loose elements in this film and how they fit. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought this movie was the second of a trilogy, that is how weird the plot feels. However, Ms. Walsh doesn’t convey that very well, presumably because she was half paying attention between constant eye-rolls and heaving sighing at all the misogyny on display.

Plainly, The Last Witch Hunter isn’t for her. Its intended audience are those that were at my viewing of the movie: 18-34 people that were white trash at best and Juggalos at worst. The kind of person that you can’t discern if they’re a fat teenager or an obese 24-year old that still lives with their parents…either way they’ll watch anything with Vin Diesel in it.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t excuse this lame half-assed review. Going further down the SJW-laden shit hole is more quaternary observations that do nothing but pad out the word count. Here Ms. Walsh does a quick hits of what she’s actually paid attention to in the movie:

“[…] maggot cupcakes, magical butterflies, a gummy bear tree, a witch council where a wizard informs them they look like a terrible ’80s band (they do), Elijah Wood wearing a white stretch turtleneck, a botanical witch fashion show, a maraschino cherry filled with memory potion mixed up by Rose Leslie, a blind pastry chef eaten by a tree, and a witch queen whose main superpower is controlling a swarm of bees.”

Hell, that’s over seventy words right there…economy review-within-a-review!

Ms. Walsh takes the film to task for never explaining why the witches are so bad. Aside from them being witches, the movie clearly makes the case as to why they’re bad! It’s the one thing you’d expect a movie called The Last Witch Hunter to do!

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Just your average everyday witch just minding her business, until some MAN comes along and burns her for trying to destroy humanity. Oh you men and your misogyny!

The Witch Queen starts a black plaque to cull humanity, her minions set fire to a fellow witches’ bar, sacrifice another witch to resurrect the Witch Queen, another minion infiltrates Kaulder’s order to get revenge on him…in the name of the Witch Queen. I mean come on! To say nothing of the witch at the aforementioned botanical witch fashion show that tries to fuck over Kaulder. This isn’t groundbreaking cinema or anything, but give the film some respect and pays attention to it if you’re going to review it.

It’s in this that it becomes clear Ms. Walsh doesn’t care for even pretending that she watched the movie, let alone be tasked for filling a paltry five-hundred word count with the most banal, SJW-laden horseshit I’ve seen in some time.

After taking the film to task for an apparent lack of plot reasoning for the villainous witches. She assumes the main reason the Witch Queen must be dealt with is because “[…] because she’s ugly, aggressive and wants to kill Vin Diesel.”

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Rose Leslie as “The One ‘Good’ Witch Who’s Not An Asshole And Therefore Will Not Be Set Aflame”

No. Moreover, it’s just plain old bald-faced SJW asininity masked as “critique”.

This is the problem with SJW’s as “cultural critics”…everyone loses. Ms. Walsh clearly didn’t want to watch a Vin Diesel movie, and obviously couldn’t be bothered with framing a decent review. There’s an air of pomposity that rings out while reading her review, clearly she finds The Last Witch Hunter beneath her, so on top of a bunch of SJW bullshit, we get this high-minded “I have many degrees and know what true film is “ nonsense subtext throughout. Gee, thanks.

The reader loses in not only getting a social justice-laden piece of trash pretending to be a review shoved at them, but they garner no real takeaway as to why the movie may be worth the 1 ½ star review. The text and the score don’t marry very well. Was the 1 ½ for the fierce soul sister experience of watching witches fuck men over? I mean Ms. Walsh does proclaim herself Team Witch near the end of her review.

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SJWs Make The Worst Culture Critics

Why Donald Trump Must Win In 2016

Letter from the Chaditor: This post was originally written for Return of Kings a few weeks ago and was recently rejected due to Trump “[…] advocating several of the things that we support […]”. So enjoy an article whose joke is now utterly stale and useless at this point. 

With Donald Trump still commanding a lead in the polls, I wanted to find the silver lining in that glorious orange bouffant comb over cloud.

A thought experiment, if Donald Trump is elected president in 2016 we become one step closer to the realization of 2516 President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho!

Idiocracy, released nearly a decade ago, is becoming increasingly prophetic with each passing year. The rise and continuing dominance of The Donald leads me to believe that we’re already on a downward slide towards this films dystopian political future anyways, why not go out in style?

In addition, what would instill more fear in to other world leaders? “America must have lost their collective minds to elect a “media personality” like Donald Trump to be their world representative, best not trifle with them!”

Is Donald Trump promising anything different than the other myriad of politicians have in the past? He is just taking empty vacuous statements and turning them up to ludicrous speed. Having Mexico erect and pay for a wall along the border? Using immigrants as workers to build said wall, then putting them on the Mexico side? It’s a logistical nightmare, but if you shoot for the moon and miss at least you’ll be among the stars right?

Ideas! Solutions! The over use of
Ideas! Solutions! The over use of “HUGE!”
Trump 2016!!!

Unlike other gaffe-prone candidates who then lose their spot at the top of the polls, Trump has proven elusive, and it’s not for a lack of trying on his part. There is a cyclical nature to most of his gaffes: He says something stupid, is called out on it, he calls that person stupid then says he was taken out of context/misquoted/etc. and moves on. Supposed gaffes that have shredded average candidates do nothing to Trump.

Perhaps it’s a collective weariness from the electorate that has given Trump longer legs than most when it comes to the Clown Car Rally known as the Republican Presidential Candidate debate circuit? After eight years of a posturing rodeo clown leading to eight years of a constitutional law professor who merely continued most of the previous administrations policies.  Maybe there is a collective urge to say “Fuck it!” amongst voters and push the big red lunacy button to try something like a Donald Trump…what’s really the worst that could happen?

All the Presidential motorcade you'll ever need! All the Presidential motorcade you'll ever need!
All the Presidential motorcade you’ll ever need!

Look at the President Cammacho State of the Union, that fictional speech has more truth in it than 95% of the State of the Union’s in American history. I wonder what the State of the Union will be in 2016? (SPOILERS: It will be STRONG!)?

There is argument over whether the American Dream is dead, and Donald Trump is perfectly emblematic of the notion that it is not. He represents the truest American Dream: born in to wealth, becoming wealthier, bending the political system over and then running for candidacy in the same political system he has poured a lot of money in to.

There’s refreshing truth when at the first GOP Presidential debate Trump stated he had given money to most of the candidates on stage. The one’s who hadn’t taken money said “jokingly” that they would be more than happy to take his money. By being a candidate that has not been wholesale bought-and-sold by the moneyed interests, Trump sticks out much more to the GOP voter bloc that will ultimately decide the presidential candidate.

If anything, Donald Trump has brought a mainstream appeal to the political primary process. How many people see the ol’ primary machine rev up and run away as fast as they can, waiting for the time when old white dude from one side goes up against old white dude from the other? You have to wonder if the voting public is just voting for something different as opposed to a candidate that could actually propel something ideologically/politically to move America “forward”…whatever that means.

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The face of the future…or he’s just farting…TRUMP 2016!!!

If we are already heading down the path to the 2516 presidency of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, Donald Trump is the perfect example of the time when mankind collectively slumped their shoulders forward, squatted down and devolved back in to a wild animal.

Trump as political candidate is showing just how barren and devoid of actual solutions our political system is currently. From the “do-nothing” elective representatives in Congress, to the clueless talking head pundit class in the media who can’t perceive what makes Trump resonate with the general public.

Is there any policy Trump has stated that doesn’t sound any less insane than most of the stuff our elected officials spout when they appear on television or the campaign trail? He’s proving that you can buoy an entire candidacy on a lot of gusto, posturing and arrogance, The American Way.

Trump is the literal embodiment of “The Man”, and a member of the “Old Boys Club” that actually run this country. Is it about time we as a society stop pretending and just let these old white rich men publicly run the country? What is the worst that could happen? We start watering our plants with sports drink?

It has electrolytes, it’s got what plants crave!

Speaking of crave, Chad craves your dollars to continue his work getting rejected! It’s like his lifeblood or something!
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Why Donald Trump Must Win In 2016